At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
