I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
