Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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