Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
