before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
