Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
COCAINE IS GR8
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
