Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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