My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
