Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
