I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
