Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
