Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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