Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
