Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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