We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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