I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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