That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
