I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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