I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
