there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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