The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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