dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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