Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
