he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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