You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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