we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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