He felt like a one man threesome
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
