lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
