my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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