How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
