new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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