you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
