Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
