I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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