Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
