fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
