its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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