The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
