she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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