This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
