Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
