i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
