i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
