you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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