There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
