fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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