Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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