i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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