I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
