hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
