everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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